The Confessions of a metempsychosis

The Confessions ofa Metempsychasis. as well as uspreiending names for these powers, would be derived fram the three great realms of nature, according to which Productivity might of en gos-tdis; be entitled the ve retative, the insective, m: ses ; and, lastly, the animal, +: Aas Zoeren, Of more importance is it to observe that nature has marked the difsrences of these powers (November, ends in mak forces,it is rational and so in reality dot Powersof Reprod teen, th are in all ins sc, and the caterpillar L corralligh no less than in the human franse, which, only manifestations ofscusibility the materials of ihese orzans; the cellular, glandular, and venous structures the corresponding to Reproduction,— material and muscular to Irritability, —and the nerves to the Sensibility, in the physiological sense of the word; for, in the common sense ofa susceptibility of paiu and pleasure, we are better warranted to regard it as a sign and consequent of a nervous system than nerves in themselves unconuccted with each other, as in the insulated Sensibility as the dawn precedes and powers then appear to follow and to emanate from their principle as the heat and motion from a fire after it has burst forth. But the Sense of Man in its first simplest forms bas supplied us with the most philoscphical language in (the terms) length, breadth, and depth. The first appearance cf body — is that of simple Jength, or the line, the fact that Powers exist of which the then follows surface, which includes and supposes lenzth,— and, lastly, arises the depth, which is, in fact, no structures and functions especially cha-racteristic of the Vegetable, Insect, and Animal realms are the representatives ; that the manifest object of nature is to ‘produce these gradually in harmony with each other, by a due subordination of the first to the second, and of ‘both to the third. And that, as nature in the instance of the highest animals form or image at all, but yet that to us which, though manifesting itself last, is then known to be the cause, condition, and true substance of both the others, which without it would be impossible, except as phantoms in the eye or mind of the imaginer. TUE CONFESSIONS OF A METEMPSYCHOSIS. BY THE DOMINIE, Twisis an age of doubtful questionings. We believe nothing that has not been matter of commonplace experience. ‘All faith has been banished frum ‘amongst us, as the dream of fanaticism or the ready engine of hypocrisy. And thus we wilfully thrust from us an ex- ‘terior key to the most precious secrets ; . of nature, «-], who write (bis, was once also carried away by the vain bubblings of unbelieving opinion; and my ignorant scepticism I dignified with the name In this state of and of philosophy. — the lead, I sho Jd have been able to nature with respect to the world that any one dared * blab it out.” Tum deterinined, however, to tell my own tale. festations precede the appearance of small ganglia* of certain insects, -: Nothing then remains but to state sec what was ansi À me-— certainly without beirz se proper orzan, I heran to hear, and that so acutely in tue silence of the sanctuary to say, that when I felt the weakness of coming dissolution creep over my announces the rising sun, or still more appropriately, perhers, as the heat often precedes the bursting out of the fire; while in the animal the Sensibility is present in Self-mauifestation as well as in Power, and the subordinate Sex \Bas I lived s in this hardened want of faith 1 died. Heavens, what Ll have krown since !—for though death heth passed upon me, though I Aare been Luried aud numbered with the defunct, 1 am now again in the enjoyment of consciousness. [feel,and think,cnd reason. T know that Lam in existence ; and yet my chaancl of existence is different from what it once was — has been chanzed, as is likely, be changed asain. and will, I cetiainty cannot insist upon others believing tus upon my mire statement; but I have clear experience to ee — —— * knots of nerves. Methoucht, had I not were of such a of being, if the secitt with this distinction, that, in the case of the plant and the insect, these manimore acute. been confined within the wood anil It might be too starting to the degree of faith with which [ may be favoured, were I to relate minutely the circumstances of my death. Suffice it yet their manifeszations exist more or organs, but te structures in which are And how do I know 497 but that there may be many others who dwell in the same myster phical tu assun therefore, alone is properly Life ;—but less severally ; and this she effects not by the difference of the constituent The Confessions of a Metempsychosis. ‘ satisfy myself. principle cf the unity no Jess plainiy in the classes that possess the three in combination, as in the realms in which, if not the power, 1835] clammy limbs and flutter at my heart —when I saw my friends weeping around me— when I felt that struzgling and gasping sensation which accompanies the passing away of the exterior spirit of life,—I knew, of course, that I was dying; and, scarcely sensible to perception or regret, I resigned myself accordingly. Presently the curtains of the bed around me became as it were illuminated, and then faded into a flickering cloud—the weeping Faces that overlooked me became grotesque and indistinct—the sonorous voice of the clergyman who read prayers for the dying sounded a hollow boom in my ears, until it departed like a distant murmur. TI scarcely felt the thin fingers of my dear mother press down my eyelids, for sensation of all kinds was ebbing fast. It was gone— I was dead! Without sensation time has no exist— so as to its lapse, or aught else ence of the dead, that I could distinetty re. coznise the twitter of the bat alonz the roof of the vault, and even tie small cricketty sound of the beetie, which the outside of leisurely moved alonz the oaken case in shich at present I to be contined. Presently knew myself the bat fluttered again with a louder sound —] heard a key move in a misty lock, a door creak as it opened, steps descend heavy and slow, and approach — there to where 1 was. Voices spolie were two: one ol and tremuious, another younz, because it sounded clear and firm, aud manly wihal: but it spoke almost in a whisper, as if afraid of disturbing the silence of onr tomb, Heavens, I knew it! It was that of my old fellow-student Rimiera; and he talked of me, and sighed, and spoke some of the quaint commonplaces about death; and the old man —for it was the sexton who accompanied him—tanped my coffin, and uttered a coarse pleasantry that seemed to shock the feelinzs of the meditative student. I declare I felt indignant, and really insulted at this vulyur freedom with myself and my brethren of vs the dead. The student seemed now to fall into that occurred, I can tell nothing, until a reverie, as I knew by the silence that prevailed in the vault, which made me the medium of returned consciousness. revert to the memory of former days, time again’ became apparent through And yet that consciousness was not like the renewed lighting up of the soul, but came upon me gradually like the dim perception ofa wandering dream. It seemed to me also different from the consciousness of one who is in the body; for L'had properly no sensation —at least no sensation of materialism or animal life; and although I could perceive that I was in my coffin, and believed myself buried in my appointed vault, I had no communion with the coldness and clamminess of death. Thouch I felt myself to be dead and buried, I could not be said festering in my to lie, he Tybal, shroud,” for at least the process of dissolution made no part of my consciousness. a . “ Anon my sensations, whatever cônld be their channel, became gradually when I moved among the living, and to think retrospectively of his character. I knew him but slizhtly then, and only as we know those whose outward demeanour is somewhat of a mystery, and whose real character is a perfect enigma. A dreamer, a philasople, a meditative inquirer into the dark occultations of nature; the penetrating shootings of whose mind, however, returned back upon himself, as I afterwards learned, blunted and abortive, as if nature had revelled the attempted search as impertinent and sacrilegious. This young man had dived into’ the questions of existence and non-exist- "ence, canscionsnces and annihilation, until his tetellect had become half ‘erazed Uy its vain cropings into inys‘tesm; and he of bate almost taken up his abode an: nz the tombs.

(November, Ignorance, melancholy ignora ;— nce while, a3 to my graspexperiments? what was the ultimate result of all my patiently inquisitive had the resolution to study? What signified my laboratory of phials and philters, for in what did all my midnight studies end? stricken apartment which was my domicile. What signified my liter of moth-eaten books, which none but the as I surveyed the naked and povertystudent. Jt was now getting dark as I turned into a mean-looking, desolate street, and, entering a low door, bezan to clamber up a narrow and broken stair. My heart sank within me, and my lofty imaginings melted into dr pression, could; but which [ was now to experience in the persen of Rimiera the formerly inhabitinz the earth, and wever The Confessions of a Metempsychosis. And yet it struck my imperfect recollection that I had once heard something more of him, and a strange story that had taken him with reference to was told ofa strange and terrible fancy another aud a most interesting being. When I remembered this, it also came into my fugitive mind that, during the time that I lived upon the earth, I had sentiments and feelings which are said known and experienced most things, but never had really known one pasSion, which some called a sentiment, and others confounded with all the has been the theme of poets and roto agitate the human breast, but which mancers from the beginning of time. Considering how the student was said to be situated, I felt at once upon this recollection an involuntary longing to know what he knew; in other words, ings after the ordinary baubles of the myself of the prison to which I seemed a strong desire came upon me to free still more humiliating. The wretched self as a criminal, by whose willand act all this had proceeded link by link, as by an iron law of fate, which I had attempted often to break, but in vain — still, still [could not help anaizning mybirth and its associations —nay, though sentiment of having bitherto lived in vain—of having mistaken my vocation — filled me with the most agonising reflections. Though my pursuits and My present situation were equally effects arising from the necessity imposed on me by the circumstances of my world, my situation and chances were to be confined, and to transfuse myself into his person— in short, to become himself. When I became conscious of this feeling, it so far overpowered me that the desire almost amounted to a prayer; the prayer seemed accompanied with a strange and impelling power, In obedience to volition, I felt uneasy, like one struggling in a dream. I wished again, as if my very wish could accomplish itself. A flash of something, which felt like a shock of electricity, came over me. I instantly found myself again a living man—no longer as I was before, but in the perlost in my preparations to leave the 1835.) the 409 But no such being rottenness and dust, and ing studies? or was it truth, which the upon jealousy, or torn and blackenat by the intolerable bitterness of disappointed pride. Was this morbidity, arising from the effects of my previcus misery, gnawn by envy, anc grandeur but a varnish over inwar veil over namented beauty itself was only a thin began to appear to my meditative sense almost ghastly and tomb-like, as if orranged countenances of noble dames ofdiamonds shone, I thought, like blue and green sparkles of unearthly fares before my loathing sight—and the before my aching eyes—the clusters solitary and neglected intellect among those with whom I had neither part nor lot, until my heart sank avain in humiliation and disappointment. Ti thousand lights seemed to burn din appeared amid the splendid tú ron as for more than an hourI linvered a third existence. ready seemed to have become my The Confessions of a Metcmpsychosis. among At lenzth [arrived at the scene of grashopper revelry, and piloted my way like a phitesopbic crowd of equipages that surrounded beard my name announced in the the palace. But as I tripped up the marble steps of the great stair, and assembly of the honoured, the elevating instantaneous effect upon my nature. atmosphere of human pride had an The melancholy of the tombs and the bumiliation of the poor student's chamber were forgotten; and, in the confiderce of a man and a philosopher, I thought I could look even royalty in the face. Since my strange and inexplicable awakening in the vault, I was completely absorbed in my new being, and could scarcely recal a former existence. Now, however, the scene before me stimulating all the powers of reflection, I tried to recollect what I was, what was the precise meaning of my present feelings, and wherein ThatI deceiving world will not allow to te spoken? The lights all round we actually shone yellow, a sulphurous yellow, in this thick and dark atmesconsisted my actual identity. was the student was certain; and yet that I bad lived before was equally matter of experience. A transient ings of the heart; for the high society at this time congregated at Vienna wa power of thinking as a separate existence occasionally came upon me, rephere of a thousand artificial corrodminding me in a confused manner of consciousness was to all intents and my former life; and yet my present A reaction now came upon my pride te tormented by a thousand jealo: private bickerings, which are too tediovs as well as too contemptible to recount, of mauhood, if not of birth—for the latter barely entitled me to appear in this proud assembly ; and] now thought, purposes the feelings and reflections of the man in whom I now lived, moved, and had my being. Yet the with a contrasting afiection, of my poor ray bosom, as I wandered among the was surrounded —filled me, as a new being, with a strange undefinable anxiety aud curiosity, as if some perme, or some event to happen which It was this personage, it also whispered in association with lis, round me; and {heard another name advances he had made among the aristocratie families here, And the strife the reports of his great wealth had occasioned, who had burn the cause of the h vered the various bearthurnings apparently gay spirits whi h fluttered his political mission, and partly by the seems, who, partly by the nature of round me. great entrance, and “the Englishman! the Englishman!” was whispered all — aud of my the investigation of nature black and musty books, that taught me wisdom —and my crabbed old attend ant, that made my simple pottage, and told me plainly of my faults and my waywardness. Presently T heard a buzz arise among the company towards the my chemicals, that made me happy in chamber at home, and my phials and power of retrospection in his person was not very distinct; and his expeeffort, when necessary to illustrate a present feeling. In this way the mixthe chain of destiny had been in great part, if not wholly, forged. I resolved I scarcely suffered a moment to be ture of pride in some furmer chain of circumstances, and of shrinking humility in present consciousness— of aspirfor an hour—or, at least, to conceal the lack of that, without which pride is only a self-torture, and professed Love, that sometimes shot respect from others but a hypocritical mockery. which I was likely to be permitted to # riences, and the acts of his former life, were called up as it were only by an apartment, and set forth to mix among the great, to attempt greatness myself ceremonious splendours by which I to get rid of the shame and the sin of poverty : I would make another effort. its pleasing pang throuch my bosom, sonage was about to be iutroduced te visions of jov unspeakable daneed bestrange lightning seemed to shoot into my soul — until, as I meditated, ny heart becan to beat quick, and Of the reflections with which I had son and soul of the student. My first sensations were not very distinct, as I left the vault and again emerged out into the light of day. instead of elevating my nature, as I felt was its tendency, sank me into the dust of humiliation when I reflected on the circumstances and company among was to bring me into immediate acquaintance with myself. With eazer eyes and a beating heart, I wandered from saloon to saleen in the brillant asscmliy, seeking for a single sight of a fair being, whe alation after some occult knowledze, and of intense passion for some lovely being, which by turns caused an agitation in been occupied as a visitor into the resting-place of the dead, I, the newly possessed of my new mansion of thought, only caught the last vibrations ; and their usual unsatisfactory tendency and inconclusive darkness filled me with melancholy. But strange thoughts again occupied my mind, as I walked towards one of the obscure streets of the city, and a confused imaze of female beauty swam before my fancy; bright eyes and dark glances of a meet the object of it. Even the prospect of this pt © Save Ine no Joy! for who was [that durol to tr zure a form in my heart ou wien nobles looked with adminition, mud princes cended to gaze vpn with desire. fore my excited imagination. 1 now suspected that this was the sensation ‘which I had often coveted to feel while

(November, entirely new to me; formerly, before I had become the student Himiera. when placed in comparison with ber? and what was my humble lodging, my the other, were grievous and acute. First, the adoration of this lovely being recoiled upon myself in the shape of personal humiliation. What was I also to feel its pains; and those, like sooner were felt by me, than I began my spirit and heart sought for and dwelt in hers, as we seek for a better and holier state of existence, The pleasures of love, however, no more than would have done a pleasing picture painted by a Jimner. Now frequently. Then, however, her form had passed before my eves without any impression to touch my feelings, T now could recollect to have seen her The Confessions of a Metenipsychosis. the bare mention of which, from feelings as yet to me but matters of indistinct retrospection, sent my heart bemping hard against my side. © Way was now made for the latearriving party which cansed all this monplace figure of the island nabob sensation ; but my straining eyes were in an instant transferred from the comto the beautiful being who had entered along with him, and whom J had in vain looked for the whole of the evening; but who now, a perfect vision of beauty, paced forward, like the bright angel of purity, which had come to diffuse poetry and elevation around her, the dark and dubious spirits of evil. and to dispel from this gay assembly Her hair was bound with roses and sprigs of myrtle; she leaned on the arm of a uoble-looking, yet reverend cavalier; and, looking round her mopoor prospects, my phiais, books, and old woman, compared with this proud and splendid Englishman, who had hem of her garment, was not the return that love seeks; and wishes, intense as my perception of bliss in the society of which precluded me from touching the Von Rimiera. But this condescension, . And yet Alexina smiled upon me too; and I thought I heard her whisperingly express a pleasure at seeing the student came over me in their terriblest forms. witness, an insupportable torture. Discontent — the contrasting discontert of circumstances, the hopeless and humiliating misery of relative position, now student's life-—became now, as forced upon me by what I was oblized to chief occupation and pleasure of my the sensitive strings of my feelings, as T observed how she smiled upon several highborn men, and especially upon this bold Englishman. Observation, reflection, meditati — hitherto on the saddening moral jealousy bezan to tear court to Alexina; and that deep and me as À saw the crowds that paid their Again, my heart sank within plenty of gold, and no need of philosophy. destly on the crowding assembly, she addressed a word occasionally to the dull bluff Englishman, who, with the characteristic insensibility of his countrymen, walked in auimal stupidity by her side. Tlooked upon this vision, as it drew pear, as men should look upon an angel sent down fiom above. She did not in reality appear as belonging to the earth. As she turned her head slightly in passing, and looked modestlÿ towards me, her eyes shot a feeling into my soul which seemed to me like the delirium of Muhomet's paradise; and when I felt her dress afterwards rustle against my own, my heart beat so quickly that I secmed ready to faint, and for a moment I was deprived of all exterior sensibility. This, then, was the sensation which, in my former state of being, I had so longed to experience—this was that intoxication which men called love, and which the poets of the world have sung of in all generations—this was the unaccountable adoration for a mere buman being, which now put to flight this angel, were torturous in proportion as they appeared without hope. 1835.} 501 Bah! I was sick, and — all was packed and arranged— ared had nothing 10 give me the slishtest to my tascals, they had every thing preformer consciousness. To do justice feelings was mixed that undefined sort of curiosity that arose out ofa certain the sight of old faces; and with these home, and I hoped some relief from obliged to take a sleeping draught —I was so wretched. Next morning I found some satis faction in the perusal of an English newspaper. My thoughts were all of was much better. In short, the night was, as usual, insufferably fatiguing, and still more stupid than the former. I returned early to my hotel, and was wished myselfazain in Hanover Square, although I couldn’t recollect that that the fashion. to flirt with the creature, because every one admired her, and | found it was of her and me, because. forsocth, I chose stusteward. And these gerealorical, pid Germans took the liberty of talkiag more to live upon than my mother's mantua-maker; and her father prouder still, and yet the ghostly eld Von was of less sterling value than my Enzlish conceive —she was absolutely nothing ! but pretty and plaguing as most women are —and proud as a princess, without presence; but how it arose I could not a bore. Some traces were left on my dreamy recollection of a former worshipping fluttering at the heact in her 1 could not understand ; for to me her beauty, and her manners, and her bepraised blandishments, were absolutely she was particularly tiresome, and what the people could see at her I am sure But Alexina !—to me that evening borate, and meant for my gratification, did I look with any pleasure. I saw, however splendid, however ela- England, I recollect looking with perfect ridicule. In truth, on nothing that afier all, as I now know, than that of if thinking it could be called, inferior, tiresome, or contemptible. On the German stateliness of the society which } met, and which is less repulsive, The Cunfessions of a Metempsychosis. ef my books appeared to me passionof less prosers of inajuticable witcom, dreaming gropers alter some wnallaitable philosophy. My acids an! chemicals seemed unsavoury and nauseous, L poured druss ard ligsids together, while the fend of abortive experiment seeined to rise up from among my bottles, and Jauzh me to scorn. Unboked-for combustion ensued, and the avy thing of milord the Englishman. whole blew up in my face. 1 rushed ferth from my garret, and ran towards the principal hotel to try if could hear „To my great joy at first I learned iat he meant to depart from Vienna ext day. J learned also that he was shout to sup in the evening of this day where it was expected he was to meet at the hotel of the Count de Peublo, again with Alexina at a grand entertanment. From a strange restlessness tc witness his departure. As the evenavd curiosity, I lingered about his hotel irg approached, and his splendid equipage drew up at his gate, an intense feeling of envy of his happiness, or at last of desire to enjoy it, took uncontrollable possession of my mind. When I saw him issue forth through a double row of servants, 1 thought I would have given worlds to enjoy what he was likely to enjoy this one night. raring wish that1 had originally done Tte thought of my trans‘erred existence now shot into my mind like electricity. J irvoluntarily made use of the same impressions, Fon my coffin in the vault. A shock like ı bolt of lightning shot through me: in arother instant I found myself seated in th? splendid carriage, and locking with à sort of flattered contempt upon the peor student, and other rabble pedestriins who surrounded my equipage. . The fintmen through whom I had just passed :o my catriage—that is, as many d of them as could find room to stanon the boad —jumped up behind me, and awzy I drove to the hotel of the | Count d: Peublo. Carryng into my pew being some my pocket,| was assisted to my carrie. into trouble. Thrusting my newspaper Ce to ve y In ANGERS UNLAZINe Con one ana having antidpated. Intrath every thing as J wis whirled along, thought, I saw, though ny mind and feclings were all the philosophy amassed by me for years—this was the experienced feelvibration: of my late “Unable any longer to bear this mean pallet, where I at length threw annihilation, I fled kome in the dark scene of envious excitement and selfaltozether changed, I yet experienced a sort of anguid astonishment at not ang which made my abstract musings obscurity of midnight, and on my own romance furnished by this dull and the great English viscount and Alexina. Late I was relieved from my uneasy visions. I rose with hazzard looks and depressed spirits, and tried to study; but study I could none. The ancients feeling the least of that joy in going on mere humanity almost ridiculous, and the taste of which is the only real fto meet Abxina thatI could recollect animal existence. And yet I felt it to be a thing which belonged to imazination and individuality, and which no man could inake come or go at his bidding: for the features of this anzelic creatuie F could perceive not to be d was ready. Up went I was seate—1 the side-blinds, smack went the whips, and I heard the forward mains from behind shout, “ Ho! for Engtand! myself, I dreamed all the morning of pe ONE